What do you do when your children are merrily playing *together* in the bath and one of them decides, hey I’ve really got to take a dump and I think I’ll just do that right now. In the tub. Right next to my sister. And our collection of rubber ducks?
A) First stand there and stare in utter disbelief, questioning many of the decisions you’ve made which brought you to this point.
B) Start hollering about how your children need to evacuate the tub without touching anything, fully expecting them to levitate above the bath time abomination and not spread poop juice around the house.
C) Begin draining the tub, hoping the flow of the water will somehow degrade the diameter of that awful mess, much like the Colorado River carved the Grand Canyon.
D) Get the kids out and just clean the damn tub with scalding water, bleach, and tears before making your kids take a stand-up, second bath before bed.
Should you find yourself in such a situation, I would avoid choices A through C as they will lead you no closer to eradicating the offending matter. Not that I would know from first trying those choices or anything.
I mean, clearly, choice D is how one gets this whole thing taken care of in a timely manner.
What? Stop looking at me like you don’t believe me.
A solid, 34-year streak of not having to deal with fecal matter in bodies of water has ended. Let’s celebrate by drinking wine and eating baked goods after taking a shower so hot every window in the house fogs over. And burning those *brand new* yoga pants we were wearing.
This is why we can’t have nice things like bathtubs and cotton workout clothes.
Your Ever Faithful Duchess of Doo,