But you’ll never sleep again!

Told ya I was pregnant...

I have pouted on here plenty of times about the things you don’t hear about when people want you to get knocked up. There is, however, one of thing people lurve to talk about- how little sleep your going to get for the rest of your ever loving life. I have heard it almost as many times as people have said congratulations, or questions me about what kind of kid I am having (answer: human, girl).

Don’t get me wrong, I have been tired ever since my third trimester hit me (like a ton of sleepy, chubby bricks). In fact, I may or may not have slept for 20 hours recently, waking only long enough to eat and check my email every four hours. I think I am learning a little something about this “tired” thing. But, anyone who has ever raised themselves an infant would be completely offended by my claiming any kind of knowledge of tired.

However, I remember surviving quite swimmingly on four hours of sleep. In fact, I fondly remember burning the candle at both ends on four hours of drunk people sleep- which we all know is the worst kind of sleep a person can get. And it wasn’t even that long ago. Getting up for class with the smell of stale smoke, fries and vodka permeating not only my breath, hair and clothing, but a measurable amount of air space surrounding me. Dragging my hungover butt to class. Eating cheese filled bread sticks and sucking down my weight in espresso during class breaks. Working, studying, then off to grab drinks and dinner with friends again. The cycle repeats. Four hours was a lucky stretch sometimes.

Aren’t I just replacing the smell of cigarettes, booze and fried food with the varying smells of diapers, baby powder and milk? And isn’t the quality of my rest going to be at least a teensy-bit better since I won’t be sleeping under the influence? I have to be missing something when those parents are laughing and lauding the sleeplessness that awaits me, since, you know, ‘I don’t even know what tired is yet.’

It seems a badge of honor that parents have bestowed upon themselves- this not sleeping and all thing- so I have refrained from questioning. But I do hope that Baby Monkey Meiners is as much a fan of late night dance parties and crappy nighttime television as I was in college because we evidently have lots of those in store for us. How else are we going to fill all of those sleepless hours, right?

5 thoughts on “But you’ll never sleep again!

  1. I feel for you sister. Personally, I think the third trimester is harder than newborn baby. People can babysit so you can get some sleep. Nobody can be pregnant for you. Ya know?

  2. I don’t know, dude, drunk sleep is at least uninterrupted sleep. Baby-waking-every-hour-sleep is a lot different. But it doesn’t last forever and you have lots of friends and family to take her off your hands for a few hours while you nap. *cough ME cough*

  3. People love to say “you’ll never sleep again” don’t they? What no one tells you is that over time? You get sort of used to functioning that way. And that’s what sitters and friends are for, yes? Babysitting so you can have a date night or get some sleep!

  4. I have that exact same shirt and my husband tells me that I look like the sunshine in the Jimmy Dean commercials. How flattering! You look great and I’m so envious that you’re in the home stretch. Good luck!

    1. LOL- omg I could hardly stop laughing at your husband’s comment! It’s great to be in the homestretch for sure, but don’t worry it will be there for you sooner than you can blink an eye!

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