Well, I Went And Done It…

They say pregnancy is the most exciting time of your life. Yea, all of the bridal magazines said that about my wedding, too. If that be true then, God love me, I won’t be fighting off memoir and movie deals any time soon. The last ten weeks have been about as boring as the first couple of months after a baby is born; eating, sleeping and, well, let’s be frank here, trying to poop.

Yea… they don’t tell you about that when they are asking you when you are going to start having kids, do they? Nope, all the grandparents/aunts/uncles/vacation-friends in waiting tend not to mention what really awaits you during pregnancy when they damn well know what is in store for you. It’s a conspiracy of silence. Actually a conspiracy of constipation, bizarre sleep patterns and weird food reactions, but a conspiracy none the less.

I am not sure how different my life would be at this moment if someone had told me that while pregnant I would seriously consider eating a tub of sour cream with a spoon if I didn’t drink enough milk throughout the day. Would I have pledged my eternal devotion to contraceptives? Probably not. Would the truth about pregnancy have prompted me to invest in a dairy farm and bottled water facility before going and getting myself knocked-up? Probably.

Outside of an inexplicable, deeply-rooted aversion to peanuts and all types of lettuce besides iceberg pregnancy has been pretty uneventful so far. I haven’t developed the eating habits of a super-model against my will, though the nausea has given me plenty of excuses to bond with the body pillow I suspect I will become fairly intimate with over the next 30 or so weeks. I figure that the snuggling is a fair trade for the pillow though, being as I won’t be taking it to dinner anyhow. 

Right about now I can only interest myself in eating those foods I once lovingly deemed “hang-over fare,” and I must say that not feeling guilty when suggesting an ice cream cake for dinner (and proposing it as though it were an honest option) is definitely a pregnancy win. However, should I follow through with serving said ice cream cake for supper this evening, does that mean I am already a horrible parent for feeding my still forming kid cake AND ice cream all mashed together in one convenient, heaven-sent sweet spoonful as a meal? Probably…

4 thoughts on “Well, I Went And Done It…

  1. My mom had the iceberg lettuce craving when she was pregnant with me. I had aversions to several foods I absolutely love. Namely, coffee and barbecue. First trimester, the thought of anything sweet was enough to make me hurl. Pre-pregnancy, I would drink one can of regular Coke a day. A few days before I found out I was pregnant, that Coke suddenly sounded vile, but Diet Coke sounded wonderful.

    I think that’s why every pregnant woman has the, “No one said it was like this!” reaction – because it’s so damn weird that there’ no way to explain it.

  2. Werd. I wanted chili and orange juice with my first born. I had no cravings with my second. There are all kinds of new and exciting things to learn about your body during this process. You are in for the ride of your life! In a good way. Mostly.

  3. My mom could only eat fudgesicles for her last 3 weeks of pregnancy. That’s it. Nothing else. If it wasn’t chocolate and freezing cold and on a stick, she’d puke it up. Thankfully I was already almost totally developed at that point so she didn’t do too much harm (I don’t thinlk??).
    You’ll get through it all. Constipation. Hemorrhoids. Leaking boobs. All of it. And it will all be worth it in the end.
    Now get yourself some ice cream, a body pillow, and some cocoa butter and enjoy it! It only lasts 9 months, you know.

  4. I’m so happy to see someone else writing about an aversion to lettuce….except iceberg. I loved salad before pregnancy and couldn’t even sort of make myself choke down lettuce during first trimester. Now, in my second (week 17) I’m drinking lots of orange juice, still can’t get enough tomato based products, and crave jelly doughnuts and chocolate cake (though I’m not giving in to those cravings).

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