Tag Archives: children

A Dark Place

I am the type of person who always wants the believe in the good in other people. I have been bitten by that hard many times in my life, but I continue to believe it. But at the same time finding out that Baby Tyler’s mother was responsible for his murder is one of those things that tries that piece of me in a way that is hard to recover from.

As a human we all have our dark moments, but it has to be one of the darkest places a person can go to be able to look at their own child and be able to beat them with such force, so often that their little life slips from them.

My gut reaction to hearing his mother had done this was tears. Tears that would not stop all day today. They caught my breath and surprised me. I cannot fathom that the last moments of that poor baby’s short life-one that had not had enough time to develop a callous, one that didn’t have time to become jaded-were spent scared and afraid of the person he loved the most in this world. A person he trusted.

And I can’t fathom just how dark of a place his mother could have been in to watch his fear, pain and suffering without being able to have one joyful memory call her back and make it stop.

I heard many people say they weren’t surprised to hear today’s news. That the Casey Anthonies of this world have become so much a part of our American psyche that they knew his mother was responsible before she was arrested today. What a sad mark upon the face of this world that is. I don’t blame them though, and they were right.

But as a mother it is so far from my comprehension and belief in people to be able to fathom that a person is capable of murdering their own child. And so many times this has happened lately. It tries a person’s resolve, and it is haunting.

I Knew It! Unfortunately My Prize Is An All Night Crying Session

Dear Nurse,

First of all, I would like you to thank me for not hunting down your phone number and keeping you up all night while Boogie held the side of her head and screamed for three hours. That took a lot of restraint on my part, so instead I just pictured myself poking you in the eyeballs while you told me there was fluid in her ears but nothing you would treat.

Remember me? I am the one who cleared my entire Tuesday calendar to bring my baby in to get examined because she was obviously not feeling good then. You were the old lady wearing a seriously age inappropriate wool sheath dress and spike heels as you worked in a pediatricians office, after the holidays when a flood of sick kids came in hoping you would make them feel better. I am not hoping that one of them vomited on your Louboutins, because that would just be mean.

Guess what?! We will be back in the wee hours this morning because even after a desperate attempt to feed my daughter at 2am, who hasn’t taken a middle of the night feeding for close to four months now, she still cried and grabbed at her ear for another hour and a half. It made us all very sad then, and very tired this morning. I am actually venturing out of the house in my sweats so I can get her in to see someone before rushing around to catch up on all the work I postponed on Tuesday.

No, I am not angry, just livid-pissed. That is all.

Thanks,
A Mom Who Sincerely Wishes She Had Your Phone Number, and Believes That Anyone Who Wears Louboutins To Work With Children Probably Has Never Had Children