Monthly Archives: March 2011

Desperately Seeking Hair Growth

Posted on March 26, 2011 | 3 Comments

I love my child and all her chubby little fingers and toes. However, I am becoming concerned about her baby-patterned baldness.

The problem is her hair is growing, just not on the top of her head.

Reenactment.

She is now rocking a skullet, which, regardless of what a bevy of middle aged men might have convinced themselves, does not flatter anyone or even remotely conceal the fact that they are balding.

Even bows are starting to look a little awkward at this point because they highlight the thick hair that is coming in from approximately the top of her ears down and the serious lack thereof from the ears to her forehead.

Because we would rather not judge her, and we also tend to be the “go all the way or go home” types, the Mister and I are considering giving her a tiny paneled van, a Led Zepplin tee, a couple of Creed CDs, and then dropping her off in the middle of Jefferson County.

Devil Horns | Melody

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Posted in ParentPants

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Dog Food & Gratitude

Posted on March 11, 2011 | 1 Comment

Also, this happened. I guess at least I'm still technically keeping her off the pole...

There are many things in my life I am grateful for. At this moment it is that the ladies from Lipstick and Laundry weren’t here with their cameras rolling when my child ripped her pants off like a Chippendale, and then crammed a fist full of dog food into her mouth. The fact that she looks genuinely shocked when I tell her not to eat dog food has me not just a little worried.

The previously mentioned camera crew *will* be here in about an hour however to document the tumble weeds of dog hair that Boogie has not eaten (they are few and far between, but they exist), and if they are lucky they may even get a nice shot of Boogie passionately tounging her favorite outlet on the wall.

I should probably put away all of the clues as to how bad of a mother I really am (hide all yer remotez and shock collarz), toss around a few kid friendly CD’s and throw a wad of cookie dough in the oven to char while they are here. Instead, at this moment, I may or may not be considering throwing all of our dirty dishes and laundry in the trash can.

Devil Horns | Melody

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Posted in DomesticPants

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File This Under Things You Can’t Unsee

Posted on March 4, 2011 | Leave a comment

There are a multitude of things in life that you just wish you hadn’t seen, or heard.  Like diaper changes after pureed peas, or a spouse’s bodily functions, there are things that burns themselves onto your retinas.

This morning, as I powered through a very special hour of cardio, designed to undo the previous evening’s caloric sh*t-storm courtesy of a very special Girl Scout delivery, I happened to look up and catch a few moments of pure television gold. Unfortunately this television happened to be hanging just above the douchebag talking on the phone while peddling a stationary bike (or possibly pretending to talk while bike in oder to secure the piece of equipment with the best view of the spinning class going on just behind the glass). But I digress just because douchebag was my word-of-the-day.

Back to the story, behold… what I would like to file under things you just can’t unsee:


http://video.aol.com/video/kathie-lee-and-hoda-belly-dance-030411-tv-replay/1944280431

And for those blessed souls who can’t see this video, here is a screenshot because no one escapes this…

Kathie Lee was not talking during the capturing of this screenshot... I believe this may be her "I'm too sexy" face or something... sadly indicating that she thought this was sexy.

Ahhh, Kathie Lee, you’re a slightly less dangerous Charlie Sheen without the septum degradation. I would take issue with the fact that you still have a job even though you share a pharmacist with Paula, but seeing you each morning is like hanging out with a sorority girl on a bender without all of the messy side-effects.

However, I do take issue with the fact that, like Marisa Tomei, Kathie Lee is ruining my romanticized notions of hot, never-aging vampires.  Isn’t she supposed to be like *really* old?

Devil Horns | Melody

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Posted in PartyPants

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