I eatz the towelz cuz et iz gewd.
People have always commented on how tidy I keep my house. Not because I am OCD, mind you, but because I couldn’t afford the vet bills anymore. After several years of living with a dog who has eaten gore-tex boots, entire sweaters, $20 bills, razor blades, and a strand of Christmas lights (to name just a few of her gourmet dining tastes) you learn to keep things off the floor and you become very familiar with what animal x-rays cost.
Sasha’s adventurous appetite knows no bounds; she once devoured a friend’s “shake” (I am not going to define that one for you), and then proceeded to clean out said friend’s roommate’s candy collection. Said friend never dog sat again.
Sasha trained me to be surface clean. Unless it could become lodged in a windpipe I just left it on the floor, which doesn’t leave much but there are some things I never really worried about. Having a dog that will eat anything at their eye level kind of negates the necessity of vacuuming and moping. During the fall yes leaves get tracked in, but they meet their doom about 24 hours after their arrival indoors thanks to her.
Hide all yer dirtz, cuz I iz gonna eatz dem.
However, now that Boogie has perfected the pincher grasp, it seems she has developed a taste for twigs and leaves, hunks of animal hair, and just about anything that should either be in the trash or vacuumed up. And she gets to it long before Sasha even had a chance.
Cleaning our floors and digging what didn’t get cleaned up out of her mouth could now constitute a full-time job at our house.
This morning after the obligatory vacuum pass I called the Mister, “So, Boogie started crawling and chasing the vacuum cleaner, growling at the thing the whole time I had it running.”
“Do you think she thinks she’s a dog?”
“No, she has to know she’s human. That’s has to be one of those things you are just born knowing… right?”
“Do you think she still remembers how she was born then?”
Can you believe I actually thought, if only for a fleeting moment, raising a baby might be easier than a dog? You know, because I figured they could learn more stuff like eventually how to use a toilet, and probably wouldn’t eat clothing and trash…
Devil Horns | Melody
